Marital mistrust and jealousy often emanates from a culture that accepts, and expects, sex outside of marriage. Today, few couples walk down the aisle sexually pure. In past generations, a white wedding dress and veil symbolized virginity.

Our culture ridicules men and women who vow celibacy until their wedding night. Rampant casual sex—hook ups, dating sex, friends with benefits, living together—reduces sex to lust, not love. The world asks, “What’s love got to do with sex?” Even many Christians choose to be a part of the world rather than set apart for God. “So set yourselves apart to be holy, for I am the Lord your God.” Lev. 20:7

Married couples who have had premarital sex—with each other or with others—know how easy sanctioned premarital sex is today. So the unspoken question lingers between them: Would my spouse ever cheat sexually, like he or she cheated before we were married? Yes, premarital sex is a cheating because it robs a future spouse of one of the greatest joys and mysteries that God gifted to humans: experiencing sex as virgins on their wedding night. Does that sound old-fashioned? Not to God, the originator of sex and marriage: “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” Gen. 2:24 Notice it doesn’t say a man sleeps around before he finds a wife, who has already been with other men. No, the couple in Genesis 2:24 unite in marriage, then they have sex—“become one flesh.”

Premarital sex has become so commonplace that most couples never make the connection between premarital sex and marital problems, but there is a direct correlation. Often marital jealousy or suspicious allegations stem from worrying about a spouse making comparisons with previous sexual partners, thinking about them sexually, or feeling guilt over sexually sinning. Without complete trust, there is no unity.

We Had Premarital Sex: What Now? God is a God of second chances. He tells us to come to Him and ask forgiveness with a repentant heart and He will wipe the slate clean. Admit the sin of having premarital sex, repent from sexual immorality, and ask God’s forgiveness. “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.” 1 John 1:8-10.

- Janet